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Chapter 9 fork: Disaster Defuser
“Yes, peacefully,” Pannych says, with a hard look at Phyr.
“Let’s start over,” Vector says. “My name is Vector.” He extends a hand to the flagbearer.
“I am Stig of the Mountains,” he replies, warily extending a single enormous claw for Vector to clasp.
“My friends and I are new to this world,” Vector says. “We did not know of its lands and peoples when we came here, and we apologize for our thoughtless misconduct. Now, we are willing to offer a truce and to negotiate a treaty so that this island may know some measure of lasting peace. Can you agree to a summit on your people’s behalf?”
Another warning shot is fired, and Vector says into the speaking stone, “Hey! Stand down. We’re on the brink of defusing this whole thing here!”
“I’ll believe that when I see it,” the Captain of the Guard says.
“Well, give me two more minutes, and you’ll have your chance!”
“Fine,” the captain says after a moment’s pause. “Two minutes.” As if to punctuate her statement, the warning shot lands.
“I think peace is in our interests,” Stig says thoughtfully when the earth has settled.
“Good,” Vector says to him, then into the speaking stone, “The noobs want peace. Tell Elder Jim that we’re on our way to his office, and hold your fire.”
“Only if they stay in the forest,” the captain says. Vector looks to Stig, who nods.
“Agreed,” Vector says. “I’m turning over this speaking stone to the noobs so we can all communicate.
“Acknowledged,” says the captain.
Vector hands the stone to Stig, who turns to walk back to the trees. The adventurers get 7 XP each for defusing the battle, and return to town.
Well within an hour, the adventurers have arrived at town hall and are immediately ushered into Jim’s office. Inside, they see Alice and Jim, accompanied by a dapper middle-aged man. A haughty voice says from a speaking stone, “Bah, three trained soldiers could easily hold a fortress against an army of goblins. They’re as reckless and uncoordinated as half-drunk teenagers!”
“No, you don’t understand,” Jim says into a speaking stone. “The goblins held the fort. They ambushed them.”
“Hmm,” the other voice says. “I’m still skeptical. But if you’re so convinced-”
“Look, they’re here,” Jim says, waving them in. “Lady Pannych, Lord Phyr, Lord Vector, meet Sir Stevington, mayor of Noob Town.” The well-dressed gentleman stands and bows deeply. “And on the speaking stone is Sir Briansworth, mayor of Leetsburg.”
“Oh, I’m not a lord,” Vector says. “I’m just some guy.”
“Master Vector, then,” Jim says.
“Pleased to make your acquaintances,” Pannych says with a curtsy.
“Hi,” Phyr says brusquely.
“Greetings,” Sir Stevington says with another bow. “I have heard tales of your brief time here.”
“It is… an honor to speak with you.” Sir Briansworth’s tone is grudgingly deferential. “Elder Jim tells me you three are here to negotiate a treaty on behalf of the noobs.”
Vector says, “I think the noobs can speak for themselves. We’re just here to make sure everything works out equitably.”
“Then where are they,” Sir Briansworth asks.
“One second,” Jim says, retrieving another speaking stone and setting it on the desk. “Hello,” he asks.
“I am Gerta of the Forest,” a noob’s voice says.
“And I am Tilda of the Mountains,” says another.
“Hello, Gerta, Tilda. I am Jim, the elder of Noob Town.”
“We await a peace summit, as promised by Vector.”
“Well, I’m afraid he didn’t run it by me first,” Jim says. “Had he done so, I would’ve told him that we also need to involve a number of community leaders, and they are very busy people.”
“We have time to wait,” Tilda says. “This is our top priority.”
“I’m afraid it’s not ours,” Jim says with a sigh. “It could be weeks, even months, before a delegation can be selected and work an opening into their schedule, and-”
“Listen, Jim,” Phyr interrupts, “This thing is real touch-and-go right now, and so you, and Briansworth, and Stevington, and all your pals damn well better make it your top priority!” Alice, Vector, and Pannych are aghast.
“It doesn’t work that way-”
“It works that way when I say it does,” Phyr interrupts.
“We can’t just-”
“No more excuses! This happens today, or you answer to me!”
Jim scoffs and says, “Is that a threat?”
Phyr takes a deep breath and says with too-calm gravity, “Tell me, Jim: do you make a habit of defying demigods?”
The elder is silent for several long seconds.
“My apologies,” Jim says at last. “The gods have been dead for so long, and few remember them. My knowledge of them is only academic, but you are right to remind me of my place. I shall inform our people that this is a matter of utmost importance, and I assure you that their schedules shall be suspended.”
“And you expect me to negotiate like this?” Sir Briansworth’s disdain is palpable.
Sir Stevington softly clears his throat and says, “I think there is a great deal of tension here, but the prospect of divine retribution certainly constitutes an extenuating circumstance, necessitating some… exceptions on our part. Sir Briansworth, I would strongly encourage you to reconsider your perspective, and measure your words carefully when next you speak.”
Sir Briansworth’s grumbling is audible over the speaking stone, but he says with restraint, “You may be right, Sir Stevington.” The mayor of Noob Town gives a slight nod. “But even so, there’s no way we can negotiate this treaty without industry leaders present! They have a stake in this!”
“How many can you get in an hour,” Vector asks.
“What?! An hour?!”
“Let me rephrase: how many can you get in an hour, when war is at the town gates and their absence means they won’t be represented in negotiations? I think this is more than gracious on Tilda and Gerta’s part.” Sir Briansworth sputters, but ultimately relents, and they agree to reconvene in an hour. The adventurers all get 7 XP for expediting the summit, and leave the town hall.
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