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“I, uh, didn’t give you spellmaking powers,” Deirdre says.
“Why the fuck not,” Dale demands.
“Because you would make a spell behind my back that you’d eventually use to fuck with me in a way that I would find tremendously frustrating and possibly embarrassing.”
“OK, see,” Dale stammers, holding his forehead, “You’re factually right about what I’d do, but it’s morally wrong not to trust me. And that’s especially unfair, considering you’re a ninja and I’m in my skivvies.”
“Noted,” Deirdre says. “What would you like to be wearing?”
“Well, since you’re writing this one and not drawing or, like, pixeling it... I want an orange shirt & pants, and blue gloves & boots, and a sweet utility belt, and black eyes that shine white in the light, and green hair, and spiky armor, and a big billowy cape, and-”
“Hey,” Deirdre interrupts. “Look, while you technically can look however you want, I’m still drawing some pictures, so a more complex look is gonna mean less screen time for you.”
Dale narrows his eyes. “Appeal to vanity, eh?” He sniffs with contemptuous approval. “Well played. OK, cut it at the hair, can you do that?”
“I think I can manage. I cast Summon Clothing on Dale!”
Suddenly garbed, Dale inspects his duds. “Not bad, not bad. Hey, but maybe also drop the ‘I cast’ bit? You sound like a fuckin’ nerd.”
“Oh please, we’re both nerds.”
“Yes, I know, but I don’t sound like one. See the difference?”
Deirdre narrows her eyes. “Yes. Fine. Future spells won’t require ‘I cast.’ Happy?”
“Yes. But this is still some nerd shit, though, right? Epic questing? Legendary weaponry? Jungle babes? Or at least vivid descriptions of jungle babes?”
“Sure. Less video gamey, though; more of a d20 system. I mean, there’ll be dice and stats and such, but with more narrative freedom.”
“Dice?”
“Yeah - basically, any time you take an action, you roll a 20-sided die, and the result adds to the relevant stat to see if you win or fail, and how hard. Twenties are always smashing successes, ones are always horrible failures, everything else is in-between. Oh, and you can ‘take ten’ to do something well without a roll, but it takes way longer.”
“Ahh, so doubling down on the nerdery.”
“Yes,” Deirdre agrees, with absolutely no trace of irony or deception.
“Very well. Wait a minute. That was suspiciously unsuspicious. What’s your game here?”
“Well,” Deirdre says, “Now that I’ve driven off the hoity-toity types on page one, I’m starting with a proprietary blend of self-deprecating humor and self-indulgent conceit. Then we slide into some allegorical commentary on current events, while also building an increasingly coherent narrative in the background, and by the end of it there’ll be a compelling story that the readers can’t put down.”
“OK, then,” Dale says. “So we’re all in on a mitt full of nerdery, fine. But you know it’s only impressive when you call your shots in billiards and darts, right? Like, isn’t it just a really mean spoiler at this point?”
“Sure, if you consider the broad strokes of a subgenre to be a spoiler,” Deirdre replies. “In any event, we should get this show on the road. If we want any kind of conflict, then we ought to set some levels for ourselves - after all, omnipotence does get boring after a while.”
“I suppose. After all, what’s a quest without some risk, right? So what do you have to do, then?”
“It’s done,” Deirdre says. “Go ahead and take a look at your character sheet.”
“Well, in the first place,” Deirdre explains, “You’re level 1, so relax. But in the second place, technomancers often need to use spells with finely-tuned intensity rather than simple shorthand names. That’s what your Mana Regulator feature is about. You can pump as much mana as you want into a spell, and the effect will scale appropriately.”
“Makes sense. So we’ve got our characters, now how do we get this adventure started?”
“Quiet, I’m concentrating. Summon World!”
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