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Chapter 3: Fite Nite
If you READ BOTH FORKS of Chapter 2 (Pseudo Psamaritan/Package Pilferer), then put a tally mark in the Sneaky Peeky box on the last page. There’s no stopping you if that’s what you want to do, Honor System and all, but at least keep track of it, will you?
Dale screams several curses and leaps to Deirdre’s bed in a panic. He tears away the bloody quilt and finds a log underneath. As he reconciles the lack of body with the presence of blood, the door to the room opens. Dale turns to the door and is ready to roll for turn order, when he sees that it’s Deirdre with a mug of tea in her hand.
“Morning, sunshine,” she says.
“What the fuck, Dee,” Dale asks.
“Oh, that. Did you just get up? Sorry, I just got in.”
“From what?”If you want to READ WHAT HAPPENED FOR YOURSELF, then click here.
“Well,” she begins, “Last night, after your snoring woke me up, I heard someone jimmying the window. So I cast Hide on myself, which popped me up into the rafters and put a log in my place. Then these two fuckers come in, both in dark grey cloaks, and one of ‘em pulls a spear out and stabs my log. So I jump down from the rafters, sword first, and impale him right into the log. The other guy got out the window in the time it took me to dislodge my sword, though, so I chased after him.”
“OK,” Dale says, “That explains the log and the blood, but where’s his body?”
“No idea,” Deirdre says. “Like I said, I just got in.”
“So two guys came in through the window, you jumped down on one and chased the other one off, the first one evidently disappeared, and I slept through all of that?”
“Yep.”
“Un-fuckin-believable! I can’t believe I slept through the first fight!”
“No,” Deirdre says after sipping her tea, “The first fight was when... you know.”
“Bah, I only got 1 XP for that.”
“Well, I didn’t get any last night, if it makes you feel better.”
“What? Why not?”
“I’m getting to that! So I go out the window after the other guy who didn’t bleed all over my bed, and I got him with one of my shuriken but he cast Heal, so I cast Hush on him to silence his casting-”
“Wait,” Dale interrupts, “How’d you cast Hush if you’re out of mana?”
“I guess health and mana grow back naturally? Like how your body recovers in real life.”
“What?! So why don’t you just grow back enough mana to create an exit portal spell?”
“Huh,” Deirdre says, “Let’s see - I cast Hush and Hide, that’s 30 mana, and I have…” she trails off and does math in her head. “It’s like 2 MP an hour, but Create Spell costs half a million. So a mana potion is probably the only way to go.”
“Fuck,” Dale says. “Well, can I learn to create spells, then?”
“Nope.”
“Why the Hell not?”
“You only have 100,000 mana.”
“The Hell for?! You have almost a million!”
Deirdre says, “I only have that much so I can cast editing spells. Also, don’t bitch! I gave you an accessory that refunds ninety percent of the mana you spend.”
“The enchanted earring? OK, so why don’t you wear that?”
“My ear’s not pierced.”
“Yes it is! You have three piercings in each ear, and a labret piercing too!”
“I get a labret in the future?”
“Present! It’s the present!”
“Whatever, I don’t have those here, because the game started before I got them done. Will get them done? Point being, it’s no good.”
“Fuck’s sake, then we’ll find a piercer, and get it done. We’re in a medieval fantasy world, surrounded by people with sharp stabby things!”
“Enchanted gear binds here. Like, someone else could take it and wear it, but it wouldn’t work for them. Did I not mention that?”
“So we find an enchanter, and buy another one!”
“Good thought, but it’s a refund, not a discount - I have to have the mana in the first place.”
“You are impossible, Dee! Is it fun for you? Being difficult for difficult’s sake?”
“Difficulty’s sake.” Dale sputters with rage, and Deirdre continues. “Look, back on-topic, I Hushed the guy and kept chasing, and he tried to give me the slip but it didn’t work. So then he was cornered and we got in a fight, and it turns out he has a big-ass scythe. You’d like him.”
“He tried to kill you, Dee!”
“I mean, aside from that. Anyway, we fight, and I got him good a couple times, and I said, ‘Wet thy pants before me, puny worm! I am Pannych, lesser goddess of fear and anxiety!’ And he said-”
“Christ, I don’t need the whole play-by-play.”
“No, Dale, this part’s important - so he says, ‘Whoah,’ and his scythe poofs away, and he says, “I’m here killing destined heroes, not dancing with demigods!’ And then he did finger-guns at me and ran away. And I let him run, ‘cuz I was back down to no mana, and he looked kinda badass but wasn’t good in a fight so I suspect he was a caster, and I’m not about to fuck with a high-level caster when I have no mana myself. By that time, the Sun was up, so I came back here and got some tea.”
“Why was that important,” Dale asks.
“Because,” Deirdre says slowly, “This asshole ran away ‘cuz he thought I was a demigod. If he’d seen through my ruse, I’d have been toast! So I think we should stick to our names, even when it’s just us, so we don’t give ourselves away.”
“That makes sense, Pannych,” Phyr says with a wink.
“I knew you’d come around, Phyr,” Pannych says, winking back.
The “destined heroes” head out of the Last Inn after asking directions to an alchemist’s shop. It’s early morning, but the town is already in full swing. A few blocks away, they find Blue’s Brews. Inside is a large man with blue skin and white hair behind a counter, wearing a stained canvas apron and grinding something with a mortar and pestle.
“Welcome,” he says in a booming voice. “Ah, out-of-towners! Welcome, welcome! I’m Steve, but everyone calls me Big Blue, on account of... you know.
Pannych asks, “Is that from working with all the potions?”
“Um, no,” Blue says with a self-conscious cough. “My family is from the Azure Forest, we’re all blue there.”
“Jesus, Pannych,” Phyr says, “You can’t just ask people why they’re blue!”
“I am terribly sorry, sir,” Pannych says, reddening.
“Wait, Pannych? Then you must be Phyr,” Blue says, the offense forgotten. The pair nod back at him. “No worries, then. Destined heroes have nothing to apologize for, we know you’re new to our world and you’re here to help. I’m sure you’ll find things out soon enough. So, what can I do ya for?”
Pannych and Phyr see a price board, but there’s a big “sold out” sign next to the mana potions. “When are you getting more mana potions in,” Pannych asks.
“I guess you wouldn’t know,” Blue says. “No, there’s been no mana potions in these parts for a while. They’re all needed overseas for some war or something, not really a concern here on Noob Isle, we don’t get much news about it. Once the war’s over, it shouldn’t be a problem after a couple months, but until then, you’ll just have to wait for it to come back on its own.”
“Fuck’s sake,” Phyr says, “Guess now we gotta get involved in this war.”
“Whoah,” Blue says, “Let’s not get crazy now! You’re, what, in your first few levels? You can’t have more than a hundred mana at most. Just wait a few days, it’ll come back. No need to get in the middle of some huge dumb war over it.”
Phyr is about to protest, but Pannych cuts him off and says, “No, you’re right. Getting involved in a big dumb war is probably the last thing a couple of fresh adventurers like us want to do. Say, what do you think is the first thing we’d want to do?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Blue says, concentrating a little more on his work. “Probably head down to one of the guild halls, start training up for a noob team and go on a noob hunt. It’s good work, you’ll be second level before you know it.”
They thank the man for his help and head out to the street.
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