Like... what even is this? A homemade grenade press?
Now, these are boots, I'm pretty sure. And good-looking ones, too! ...wait a minute. Eight dollars?! That just screams, "Chinese sweatshop." No, thank you.
OK, I see pink squares, and I see... uhh, maybe that pen is for scale? If you poke it with a pen... does it scream? I have no idea what this is for! I bet someone in a different industry would know for sure, but I'm just lost here.
So that is clearly and obviously a dog. Like, it looks like a real dog. It might be a super-realistic pillow, but look at that face! It's a DOG. But their whole thing is, "Can you wait 15 days for delivery?" Sure, but... is the dog just sitting there for that time? Do you need that time for dog acquisition? How is it only $23?! I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS!
Back to no friggin' clue! It's... it's going in the ear? It's getting covered up? This looks like one of those pimple-popping videos in reverse... wait... is this a blackhead installation kit? For when you really want to star in one of these videos yourself?
I joke, but... if that's actually what this is... stop the planet, I want to get off.
For when you want to express misogyny, but toward your daughter, because you misogynistically think you own her, so you rationalize that it's OK. (rollEyes.jpg) And yikes, that's an expensive T-shirt, for this app. Like, the pricing doesn't even match up with the other stuff! How did they even think I'd like this?
I see when you generalize your misogyny to an ambient misanthropy, you get a 56% discount. Still too expensive. I mean, for a plain white T-shirt with plain back writing, $11 is a sensible price on 15-day delivery - but not in an exploitative capitalist economy. The same economic system, in other words, that gives a bad taste to this kind of humor. Just sayin'.
Oh, I know exactly what this is, and I feel called out. That's clearly a dilator kit with a beaded wand attachment, they've actually got me pegged as a wait a second those are hair clips this is a... is this a dyeing kit? Styling kit? Yeah, those gloves have to be for keeping product off of your hands, wow I totally misread this!
Well, at least they know I'm a milennial and enjoy absurdist humor! Too bad they don't understand I'm a milennial and don't have that much disposable income!
Hey, Wish? Yeah, the 80s called. They want their yoga spacesuit back.
...who the Hell am I kidding, I want the fuck out of this. But again, that price tells me I actually don't.
Oh! THIS! I know exactly what this is! It's like Laser Tag, except boxing - it's a Laser Boxing Glove! I actually need a new one of these! I've been using a loaner every weekend, when I volunteer at the Senior Center! THE ALGORITHM WORKS!
(Full Disclosure: I don't volunteer at the Senior Center every weekend. I visit a senior couple who are mostly shut-in due to mobility issues. We don't go Laser Boxing. However, I did use this as an arbitrary example of how advertising algorithms work, because they just got a smartphone and I've been providing tech support to them - complete with the savvy techno-criticism I teach to kids! So, less absurdly humorous, more wholesome and awesome, but that doesn't get much of a laugh. Anyway. Rant: over. Cheers!)
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