Della Swain walks
through the streets of North Las Vegas, her head weighed down with thoughts. She was trying to draw what happiness she
could from the last few days she would be able to enjoy, but her mind turned
constantly to how wrong everything in her life was going.
When she was a
child, she had felt special. Her parents
were devoted to her, busy though they were, and she had relished their
attention. She was something
extraordinary, then – or so she had felt.
Then her little brother had been born, and she saw with bitter jealousy
that they raised him with the same
care and attention with which they had raised her. “Of course you’re still
special, my love,” her mother had told her.
“But Virgil is special, too, in his own way. You both are.” She found in time that everyone was special to their parents – and if everyone was special, then no
one was.
And so her
parents’ love had been stolen from her.
Oh, they still loved her – of course they still loved her – that hadn’t
changed. But what had once seemed to
make her special was now tainted with the dulling ordinariness that threatened
to swallow everything in her life. She
had read some of the child-rearing books on her parents’ shelves, attended some
of the seminars where they learned How to Be Good Parents, and found that no
matter who she was, no matter how she turned out, they would have
treated her with the same care and love regardless. “Praise” and “attention” were “positive
reinforcements” that were part of a “strategy.”
That wasn’t special, that was so ordinary it was a
slap in her face.
She went through
puberty, and all the attendant changes it brought, and boys had begun to look
at her in that special way. But when she
watched more closely, she saw that they looked at other girls in the very same
no-longer-special way – not just other
girls, but all girls, and men were no
different. That lusty, appraising gaze
wasn’t for her, it was simply how men looked at women. Nothing special there at all. She got the undeniable impression, whenever a
boy would ask her if she was going to a ballgame or a dance, that she wasn’t
being asked for who she was but only because she was a girl. Any girl would do, and that wouldn’t do for
Della. She wasn’t just any girl, and so she made up her mind
that no boy looking for any girl
would stand a chance with her.
Nevertheless, the
world seemed Hell-bent on treating her like any
girl, the same way it treated every
girl: sit down, cross your legs, hands
in your lap; don’t speak too loud, it’s unladylike;
go here, do this, just like all the other girls. Wear makeup.
Buy perfume. Smile. Just like all the other girls. She was determined to be unlike all the other girls, but no matter what she did, it seemed
that someone else was always doing it, too.
Even the girls who didn’t want to fit in with the “mainstream” managed
to fit in with each other, and what was that but another kind of mainstream? Come on down and be the first to conform to
the brandest-newest style of non-conformity!
No matter who you are or what you do, you fit in somewhere, and Della didn’t feel like she fit in anywhere. You’re into boys? That’s normal. You’re into girls? That’s normal. You’re into both? Also
normal. Don’t like either? Don’t worry – you’re still normal.
She didn’t want to be normal. She didn’t want to fit into any category, she wanted to be beyond them. She wanted to be beyond them all, to be utterly unique, she wanted people to know
when they looked at her that she was absolutely unlike anyone else they had ever
seen. But no matter how she dressed, or
spoke, or acted, the world always seemed to have yet another place for her to
fit in to its horrible, ugly, every-day normal.
So she had turned
to her studies, hoping to find something special about herself there. She raised her grades from Bs and Cs in
junior high to straight As in high school, and found that this, too, was yet
another of the endless forms of Ordinary that the world had laid out. Oh,
you’re a genius? Here, we have these
“accelerated” classes, where you can be a genius among geniuses. There, doesn’t it feel good to be normal? Nobody understood. How could they?
That was how she
figured out the way the world works:
whoever doesn’t fit into a box, you just gather them up and put them in another box. She wanted to be unboxable, out of the ordinary, someone who you could never
describe as “Just another (fill-in-the-blank).”
But that was what the world did, because that was what the world
wanted: to have a bunch of cogs in its
well-oiled machine. Kids who were good
at math became adults who did math for their bosses; kids who were good at
science became adults who did science for their bosses; kids who were good at
art became adults who did art for their bosses; kids who were good at sports
became adults who did sports for their bosses; and kids who were good at being
bosses? Why, they became adults who
bossed around employees for their
bosses, who were called “customers” or sometimes “clients.” Whoever you were and whatever you did,
society already had a place carved out for you, and all you had to do was fit in.
And even if you managed to invent a new machine, design a new product,
make a new kind of art that nobody had ever seen before – why, then you were just another innovator, right back to
fitting in.
Bell curves were her
nightmares – she hated bell curves
with a passion. Everyone just falls into
a position along the curve, and those that didn’t seem to fit were just called
“outliers” or “anomalies,” and they went in the box with all the other outliers
and anomalies. It’s normal to find outliers and anomalies, don’t you know, so don’t go
thinking they’re special. We can measure everyone and everything with
our scales, scales for this and scales for that, and if it’s not on the scale,
then don’t worry your pretty little head – one of those innovators will make a
scale for it, eventually.
Della wanted off the scale. She wanted off all the scales.
So there she had
been, seventeen and already seeing the whole awful world in front of her – in
broad strokes, if not in fine detail – and wanting nothing to do with it. Bright, sure, but there were a ton of bright
kids at her school, so that wasn’t special at all. Decent at sports, but not the best;
reasonably pretty, but not the prettiest; average height, average weight (and actual average, not the phony puffed-up
“average” that they told the fat kids so they’d feel better about being fat),
average everything. Unbearably ordinary. Her parents
thought she might have been depressed, but there was nothing wrong with her, what was wrong was with the world.
That’s not depression, that’s a shitty
world.
Then he showed up.
Edward Cochran
wasn’t from Las Vegas, he was from Chicago.
Sure, lots of people in Las Vegas were from somewhere else, originally;
but still, there had been something special
about him. She knew it, she could see
it, even though she didn’t know he was a vampire right away. Hell, if he hadn’t told her, she probably
never would have guessed. He looked
eighteen-to-twenty-one, and it was normal for guys that age to have a job
(there it is again), so seeing him
only at night wasn’t anything suspicious.
But she had seen that spark of the extraordinary within him, and he had
managed to convince her that he saw it in her, too.
And she had fallen
for it, hook, line, and sinker.
Drives out to the
desert to name the stars for her (That’s
Cygnus, the swan, and oh it’s so beautiful). Dinner with her folks and slipping sly winks
at her between good impressions for her parents (You’re an accountant in a casino, and oh you must be the rock star of
accountants). Showing up at a school
ballgame and taking her to Cirque du
Soleil (I won these tickets on the
radio, and oh I’d love it if you could come with). He made everything seem about her again, like
she was the only girl in the world (Well
I’ve had girlfriends before, but oh they were never quite like you). The way he’d turn his head away and brush his
thumb across his chin, and only then
lick his lips when he’d thought of something to say right after. That bashful manner he had when he acted like
he was tricked into complimenting her – and then complimented her, anyway.
But it had all
been an act, an act honed over more than a century of experience, and now Della
Swain fell neatly once again into a stupid little box, this one labeled Conquests of Edward Cochran. “But don’t worry,” one of the bloodkin had
told her as Edward was dragged screaming down the hall by Herman’s goons, “He’s
like a professional at this
bullshit. You couldn’t have been
expected to see it coming, and that’s what makes him so dangerous. It’s normal to feel like you’ve been had.” Is it, now?
And how was that supposed to make her feel better?
She came up to the
part where Mojave curves toward the West, stepped through the gate in the fence
into Freedom Park. The football fields
and baseball diamonds were empty, it was Tuesday just after noon, and she
should have been in school but fuck it.
School would soon be something she couldn’t do any more. And for what?
So she could be just another
vampire. Edward had even managed to
steal the specialness from that, too,
telling her that there were precious few bloodkin in the world, let alone tiny Las Vegas.
But at his trial, there had been over a hundred in attendance.
Della looked up
from her inner monologue and saw Mike Smith, the school’s attendance officer,
walking her way. Had he seen her? He was a ways off, yet. She turned to her left, trying to look
inconspicuous, but he picked up his pace.
“Della? Della!”
She heard his footsteps breaking into a run, tried to ignore him – but
it was no good. “Jesus, Della, you’re
red as a lobster! Have you been out here
all day?”
“Lobsters are only
red once you cook them, Michael.” She rolls her eyes.
“Yeah, I know, and
you look pretty cooked.” She looks down
at her arms.
“Holy shit, I just
thought it was hot out.”
“C’mon, we should
get you to the nurse. I’m parked right
on Harris.” He reaches for her arm
instinctively, then draws back at the last moment. No use trying to run off; he’d just chase her
down and grab her, and that would be
extra painful. She follows him to his
car.
“Your parents are
worried sick about you,” he says as she shuts his passenger door. He pushes the start button, and sweet Freon
chills the air and her red skin.
“What for? As far as they knew, I was in school.”
“Yeah, until your
homeroom teacher called to see if you were sick. Christ, Della, what if some predator had
snatched you off the street hours ago?”
“Whatever,” she
says, staring vacantly out the window, “I can take care of myself.”
“Is that a fact,
Red?”
“I… whatever.”
“Wow. I didn’t see that coming. Great
comeback. Is that what you’re going to
tell your parents when they ask where you’ve been?” He looks across the lanes and merges into the
light afternoon traffic.
“I must be
confused – are you my truant officer, or my prosecuting attorney?”
“That’s more like
it,” he says blankly, focusing on his driving.
“At least you’ve got your head in the game.”
“Bribing me with
more positive reinforcement? Is this
another ‘strategy’ to get me to shape up how you want?”
“OK, now you’re
meta-gaming. That’s no fair.”
“Aren’t you?”
“Look,” he says
with a sigh, “I know you’re upset, that you think all the adults are trying to
manipulate you with rewards and punishments, but it’s not all carrots and
sticks. We really do care about you. We just
have to care about all the other kids, too, so you can’t take it personally
when you’re not the center of attention.”
“The carrot’s on a stick.”
“What?” He turns into the school drive.
“You don’t reward
with a carrot and punish with a stick.
You dangle the carrot from the stick. That’s how you make the turtle go, because he can’t see that it moves
with him. And it’s just like you
guys: you dangle these rewards in front
of us, and there’s no consequence for failure.
No child left behind, and all that.”
“Come on, we just
want you kids to succeed.”
“But who cares
about success when there’s no such thing as failure? That’s not succeeding, it’s just status
quo.”
“Jeez, you sound
like you’d turn your nose up at a gourmet meal unless you knew someone was
starving somewhere.”
“That’s not the
same thing, and you know it!” She’s
getting angry. He’s just arguing with
her, he’s not listening to her.
“OK, you’re
right.” He pulls into a parking spot,
turns off the car. Flexes his fingers
over the wheel, breathes deep. “You’re
right. I know it’s tough. I was a teenager, too, you know. It was a long time ago, things weren’t like
this. But you have to believe me, we really do
want what’s best for you.”
“I think I’d be
the best judge of that.”
“Della, you’re a
teenager. You don’t even know who you are yet.
You might not even know until you’re thirty.”
“What makes you so
sure?” She crosses her arms, but her
sunburn hurts too much, and she uncrosses them again. Hands
in your lap, young lady.
“Because,” he
closes his eyes, exhales sharply through his nose, “Everything here is
fake. No point hiding it from you,
you’ve figured it out already. It really
is jumping through hoops. But the point
of those hoops is to gradually ramp you up to the real world – grade school ramps
up to junior high, ramps up to high school, ramps up to college, ramps up to
the real world. And the idea is, if you
can do well all along the way in here, then you can do well out there. And that’s what the accelerated classes are
for: so you can get ahead of the curve,
and do more of what you want, since
you’ve dealt with what you need
earlier on. But if you don’t give a shit
in here, then everybody’s going to think you won’t give a shit out there.”
“And if I really don’t give a shit anyway?”
“Then for the love
of Pete, act like you do, because
that will at least make it easier to get your way.” He stares directly into her eyes, frustration
practically written in the lines of his forehead.
“Great pep
talk. You really inspired me. Are we done here?”
Mike sighs. “Yeah.
I guess we are. Let’s get you to
the nurse.” They step out of the car,
shut the doors in unison.
“I can walk
myself, thanks.”
“Yeah, and right
out the other side of the school, I bet.
Nice try.”
At the nurse’s
office, Della takes a seat opposite Mike after signing in. She had wanted not to be next to him, but now
she’s directly across from him. Stupid.
It would be too awkward for her to move, and she’d now be moving closer
to him in any event, so she grabs a magazine.
Stupid. The magazine’s about dumb celebrities and
their dumb celebrity problems. Ooh, the Dusky Heartthrobs stars started dating,
and surprise, it didn’t work
out. The other magazines are for
children. She sets the celebrity
magazine down anyway, swallows the awkwardness, resists the urge to twirl a
finger into her hair. She feels hedged
in, like any move she makes is just transparently obvious. I’m
sick of trying to plan my moves. I just
want out.
“Della?”
Finally.
“Yes?”
“Come on back.”
Her temperature’s
fine, 98.1 degrees. A bit low, but
within normal range. Some people run hot, some people run
cold. Blood pressure normal.
Really bad sunburn, though.
“How long were you
out there?”
“I don’t know, I
was just taking a walk before school, and lost track of time.” Oh, and
I’m a vampire now, if that has anything to do with it.
“You’ve gotta be
more careful. That desert sun is cruel.”
“Yeah, I just
wasn’t thinking.” Oh, and I’M A VAMPIRE. DUH.
“All right. Well, lesson learned. Get some aloe gel, that will soothe the burn,
and try not to scratch when it starts itching.
You’ll be fine in a few days.”
“OK, thanks.”
The nurse sends
Della on her way, and tells Mike in the waiting room that she ought to be sent
home with a burn that bad. Mike calls
her parents back on his cell and she hears his half of the conversation. Her mother comes to pick her up, standard
lecture on the brief drive home. As they
turn on to Guinevere Avenue, her mother takes on a shriller-than-normal tone.
“Are you even listening?”
“Yes, I… sorry,
no. Sorry. I’m just… look, I’m in pain, I’m not myself
today, I just spaced out.
Autopilot. Sorry.” Her mother reaches for her, recoils – Sunburn, Della can practically hear her
think – opens her mouth. Two heartbeats
pass before she speaks.
“No, it’s OK. Look, you’re a teenager.” Sigh. “These things happen. Dad’s getting some aloe gel from the store,
he’ll be home soon. I keep thinking I
can set you straight, but – well, Hell, I was a teenager, too. Nothing my
parents could’ve said would’ve set me
straight. I don’t know why I keep
thinking I can do better with you. Can’t
blame me for trying, though?” Della
thinks on the question. Blinks back a
tear.
“No, I can’t blame
you for trying.” She manages a
smile. But I can blame you for how it turns out.
“I love you, baby.”
“Love you too,
Mom.” She tries to blink the tear back
again, but there it goes, right down her cheek.
Stupid.
There’s a blur as
she gets a glass of water, drinks it down, draws her bedroom blinds, and takes a
nap. She feels on her last legs as she
drifts off to sleep.
Della opens her
eyes. The red digits of her clock read a
quarter past one. Moonlight streams in
through her window. Didn’t I draw the blinds?
As she peers out
the window, a face stares back from the shadows. She gasps.
“Sshh.” A finger raised to lips – I couldn’t hear that, it’s just the gesture. Just the same, maybe she did hear it. A single finger
beckons, come hither.
After
recognizing the face, Della slides open her window.
“Jane?”
“Jamie.”
“Sorry. What’s up?”
“You’ve been
missed. Come on.” So this
is it, then.
“Hold on, let me
grab some things.”
“No. No grabbing.”
The hushed whisper carries a sense of urgency. Della tries to meet Jamie’s stare – but no, of
course there isn’t time.
“OK, let’s
go.” She shimmies out the window,
follows Jamie into the night.
“What the Hell,
Della?” Thomas stares wide-eyed as he
reads over the sheets of paper before him.
“Seriously. You have a few nights
to sort out your affairs and prepare for
your exit from daily life. And what do
you do? Acquire an absurdly conspicuous
sunburn, go home sick, and piss off the school’s truant officer. Marvelous.”
“I didn’t mean
to,” she protests. “I was just – look, I
needed some time to think. That’s all.”
“No, it’s – “
Thomas sighs. “It’s fine. We can use this. Erratic, careless behavior will actually work
to our advantage in staging your death.”
“Death?” Della gasps.
“Faking your death, I should have said.” He tugs at the collar of his plain white
dress shirt. “You obviously can’t
continue your daily life. I should hope
your skin is reminding you of that.” She
looks at her forearm.
“Yeah, but is
faking my death really necessary?”
Thomas stares at her for a moment, takes a deep breath.
“Have a seat,” he
says at last. He leans back at his desk,
runs both hands through his salt and pepper hair. “Let’s say we don’t fake your death. What happens?”
“Well,” Della
pauses, thinks a bit. “I don’t suppose I
could tell my parents I’m a vampire.”
“You can’t tell anyone.
But sunlight will be absolutely lethal to you in a night or two.”
“OK.” She mulls this over. “Night school?”
“Even if you could
convince your parents to enroll you only in classes after sundown, what about
family vacations? What about friends? What if your mom says, ‘Enough of this
clownhouse nocturnal horse-shit,’ takes the garbage bags off your windows, and
draws your blinds at high noon?”
“Jeez. Edward made it seem so easy.”
“Edward was a
stranger to you. You and your friends weren’t
close to him the way you were with each other.
You have family and friends who care about you and would find it highly
unusual for you to develop a sudden allergy to daylight.”
“And there’s no
way to make them take my word for it?”
“Suppose you
did. Then what? You think they’d let the issue drop? They’d take you to a doctor. The doctor would find plenty unusual about
you, and try to make a career on your case study. Government spooks with the power to make you
a non-person could even come after you.
And don’t even get me started on the Hunters.”
“Hunters?” A look of concern crosses Della’s face.
“Not now. We’ll talk about them later. But yes, there are people who know there are
vampires and will try to kill you for it.
Edward didn’t do you any favors by inducting you into our little club.”
Della slouches in
her chair, lets out a big sigh, closes her eyes for a few seconds.
“There has to be
some way,” she says, looking Thomas in the eye once more. “There just has to be.”
“Sorry. If you only ‘disappeared,’ the case would
remain open for a long time, there’s no telling what kind of media circus there
could be. It’s quicker and easier by far
for you to officially die.”
“Fine,” she says
after a moment, “But then what? What if
there’s still a media circus? How can I
go out in public, even at night? Won’t
people recognize me?”
Thomas leans back
in his chair, steeples his fingers with a slow nod, purses his lips and arches
his eyebrows in that “you have a good point” fashion.
“Yes, indeed. But we have ways around that.”
“What, like
plastic surgery?”
“No, nothing so
extreme as that. It’s complicated.” He waves his hand dismissively. “We’ll talk about it when the time
comes. In the meantime, though, you’ll
have to stay in the building until your death blows over.”
“You mean I’m
stuck here?”
Thomas rolls his
eyes. “What have we just been talking
about?” He fixes Della with a stare, she
buckles under his gaze, gives up on whatever she had been thinking. “We’ve got a lot here, though, so you don’t
have to worry. I’ll have Herman show you
around tonight. Jamie will also get your
sizes and buy you some new clothes.”
“I have clothes at – “ something crosses
her mind, the way Jamie was able to just change her mind with that stare – “Hey,
there’s something that’s been bugging me.”
“What’s that?”
“When Jamie came
to get me, I wanted to grab some things before we left. She said there wasn’t time – no, she didn’t say it, but she made me think it. What’s up with that?”
“Hmm, yes.” Thomas chuckles softly. “Good catch.
That’s one of the things we’ll be talking about later. For now, it will suffice to say that, as predators
who live in the midst of our prey, we have certain tricks that make it easy for
us to navigate social situations.” Della
thinks this over.
“Fine,” she says
at last. “But still, I have clothes at
home.”
“And they would
need to be found with your ‘body’ or it would look suspicious, wouldn’t it? Trust me, the fewer loose ends to tie up, the
better for all of us.”
Loose ends, Della thinks. Lots of
loose ends. “Wait,” she says after a
few moments’ thought. “Isn’t it hard to fake a death?”
“For a single
person? Almost insurmountably. For a large and well-connected organization
with deep pockets, such as our own? Not
so much. It mostly involves clever
paperwork and a dirty deed or two.”
“For the body, I
assume.”
“You’re catching
on,” Thomas says with a nod. “And on
that note,” he says, standing to his feet, “I have a few matters in need of
attention.” He presses the intercom on
his desk. “Herman?”
“Yeah, boss,” the
intercom says back.
“I’ll be out of the
office the rest of the night. Have Jamie
take Della’s measurements, then show her around the building, please.”
“Sure thing.”
Thomas smoothes
out his shirt and dons his sport coat. “Anything
else,” he asks her, “Before we part ways?”
“What about my
parents?”
“Hmm,” Thomas
frowns. “Sad. But what can you do?” He shrugs.
“These things happen, though,” he says as he buttons his jacket.
Herman
enters the room, dressed in a simple suit and tie, Jamie at his side in her
jeans and t-shirt. Thomas nods, bids the
three of them a good night, and they part ways.
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