Friday, September 25, 2009

Poison for Your Brain: NSFW! NSFW! NSFW!

TEXT IN THIS POST IS ABOUT AS SAFE AS ANY OTHER POST OF MINE - BUT NO LINK HERE IS SAFE AT ALL!

You have been warned. OK, so PZ Myers (of Pharyngula fame) went and yelled at some yahoo who says that sex with robots is always wrong. I read his stuff, it's future historical fiction and his closing arguments are pretty easy to rebut at every step of the way. It all boils down to this: even if sex is "for" procreation, orgasms are still fun and there's nothing wrong with having one by yourself from time to time, or with someone you just met, or with a robot. Really. Nothing that guy says counts for shit. What matters is the informed consent of all involved adults, and if that's absent, then it doesn't matter whether or not strangers, robots, or anything else is involved - it's wrong because the informed consent is missing, and the robots have nothing to do with it, The End.

Having done my philosophical duty, on to the stuff you're probably still reading for: robot porn! PZ said that nobody should tell this guy that we've got our sex robots already, but he only mentioned vibrators and dildoes (how could he forget about fleshlights?), which leads me to think that that's the limit of his awareness. In truth, we've got so much more! Let's take a tour, shall we?

First off, we've got the Sybian: it's basically a hump that a woman straddles with her thighs, which then hums away and diddles her to her heart's content. Or her vagina's. Whatever. All the parts are individually washable, and if anyone asks you can just say that it's medical equipment! Pretty cool, huh?

Next up, the Venus: or, as I like to call it, the Sybian for dudes. This is more or less a milking machine for your penis. The same sorts of things apply here as do to the Sybian (except this one would fit in a small suitcase), so I'll not repeat myself. Just know that there's some manner of equality in the sex toy industry, at least.

Now, wow, those are already some pretty cool sex robots. But it gets even better, if you can believe that! There's this whole website, fuckingmachines.com, part of the kink.com family of safe/sane/consensual freakery that's kind of leading the way in the porn world. These guys have some things you just wouldn't believe!

Before we get started, a matter of netiquette: I'm not sure whether linking to their images counts as leeching, or whether hosting their images could be seen as some manner of fuckery on my part. As far as I'm concerned, I don't think I'm leeching if I just link to their own domains (I'm not displaying the images, just telling you where you can find them), and I also think that the relatively tiny portion of their work I'm citing is covered under fair use for journalistic purposes. So I'm providing the links both ways (D=me, K=them), and if you feel particularly strongly one way or the other, you can behave as you see fit. And, of course, if I receive any official communication one way or the other from the wonderful folks at kink.com, I shall of course comply with their wishes regarding how they want me to give them free publicity.

That said, check these robots out!
  • First off, there are the hand-tool types of robots, the Drilldo (D/K) and the Fucksall (D/K). If these bother you, then you should probably quit right now (maybe you shouldn't even have started?).
  • Moving on up, there's the BunnyFucker (D/K) for those who like a little more robot in their robot porn.
  • For those who want a lot more robot in their robot porn, there's Fuckzilla (D/K). More for visuals than action, this one just looks fearsome.
  • Then there's the barely-even-humanoid category, such as the Lick-A-Chick (D/K), which is basically a bunch of tongues on a chainsaw.
  • Finally, we've got the not-even-remotely-humanoid category, which includes the Fucking Chair (D/K) and the Dominate Her (D/K). Good luck figuring out that last one.
OK, so why is any of this important? Why did I file this under Poison for Your Brain? Because the idea that any of this is "wrong" is poison for your brain. If you don't want to fuck machines, then don't. And if you don't want to play sports, then don't. But these folks do want to fuck machines, and each other, and they want to do it a whole lot more than most people probably would, and so they put on a show and employ themselves as entertainers for those who want to watch. Exactly like sports stars. They even get dental insurance and employer-matched 401k plans! No joke!

Society has not collapsed. The human race has not gone extinct. Men are not raping women, or vice versa for that matter, any more than they have before (and in fact a good deal less!). This is doing no harm whatsoever. And to the end that the good folks at kink.com are helping people get their rocks off by watching consenting adults engage in whatever the Hell behaviors they feel like doing, this does a lot of good in the world. What's more, kink.com has a significant portion of their enterprise devoted to educating people about how all this stuff works (granted, you'd have to do a bit of work to get any education out of it, but still!), which in my opinion helps liberate us sexually as a culture (one customer at a time!). And over the last few years, they've been adding more and more kinks to their repertoire, showing with increasing clarity that people come in all shapes, sizes, and flavors, and helping them all indulge whatever it is that trips their triggers.

And this bozo says that they're causing moral harm to themselves and all of us for having a good time. Fuck him. Literally - I think this guy seriously needs to get laid, before he has a fucking aneurysm. If he doesn't get his balls drained, stat, then he's going to explode in a mess of blood, organs, and semen - hopefully in the middle of church - causing perverts like me to point and giggle at the soaked bystanders and say things like, "Now that's bukkake!" He's got things completely backwards, all because of what some fussy patriarchal savages in the Bronze Age managed to write down between raping, murdering, and pillaging she shit out of each other. I'm telling you, it's poison, and they'd be a whole lot happier if they just let their hair down and realized that there's no wrong way to stick it in the naughty place, as long as everyone involved is an informed, consenting adult. That's really and truly all there is to it.

3 comments:

Silver Garou said...

I imagine that the guys who work for fuckingmachines.com just spend their days staring at household appliances wondering to themselves, "how can I make this fuck a woman?"

D said...

Probably not far from the truth. Reminds me of this: Kink.com was started in 1997 by bondage enthusiast, Peter, who was a PhD student. After realizing consensual BDSM games were more exciting than finance, he left academia to devote his life to subjecting beautiful, willing women to strict bondage. The result was Hogtied.com, Kink's first site. Hogtied now has an enormous archives of videos depicting many tightly bound women.

jack said...

in the future we will have accept th idea that sex toys business is up every day a little bit more no matter the ways it takes it'll definitely a reality such a robots in sexual industry.